London Actually (12/23/2008)

Since I began traveloging in 2002, I've visited the United Kingdom three times, and each time have failed to pen a UK entry. Chalk it up to familiarity, fear of striking a wrong chord, or a general lack of mews. For someone who grew up in the US, and New England in particular, the UK -- historically, politically, culturally -- has more common 1s and 0s with my own hardwiring than any other place in the world, even parts of my own country (North Carolina, but who's counting?). What can I say that isn't already common knowledge?

- The speak English there! But not the same kind we do -- they say things like "the tube" and "bloke" and "trousers" and "blimey" and "rubbish!" How funny! (Er, no.)

- They have a queen! But if she dies, 483 people would have to die before her husband could succeed her! (Interesting and true, but no.)

- Shakespeare wrote 37 plays, but did you know that only one -- "The Merry Wives of Windsor" -- took place in contemporary England? (I'd discuss, but you'd tune out.)

- Sienna Miller. (Well...)

When I first visited the UK in March 2003, the Pound was trading at 1.6 to 1 US dollar ... this time, it traded at 2 to 1. Account for ATM fees and the London big-city surcharge, and everything is more than twice as expensive. Holy fly tipping! I love the UK, but can't really convey the sense of defeat at looking at a restaurant menu and realizing you need to spend $20 on a cheeseburger and chips. By jolly Roger! Indeed, my four days of subsistence on chips and scones set up the a duel of wits, "Traveler v. Onset of Scurvy," unlike any the Old Bailey had ever seen. I did prevail, but had I stayed another week, George III may have cackled in his crypt. And so with due respect to New York -- or Rome -- the southwestern United Kingdom is the center of the world. A walk (since that's all I could afford) around the streets of London and Oxford gave me a few insights as to why:

- The British accent, whether it comes from a Cockney bloke (few that remain), an Indian immigrant, or American grad student who has holed herself up in the UK since 2004 (not that I know any of those), is perfectly endearing and adds a fourth degree of sophistication that the most educated Americans lack. The temptation is vicious to saunter up to any of the above and launching into "So, my good man... 'The Fire Sermon'..."

- When wandering London, one can't avoid seeing what buildings did (or, more easily, didn't) hold governments in exile. This trend started during WWII, when the Poles, Dutch, French, and Czechs all set up governments in exile in London. The Czechs, callling on that retreat tactic which had worked so well, actually fled London for Buckinghamshire during the Blitz; the next step, apparently, was a consulate in Narnia.

- There's Providence in hearing "I'm sorry, sir, but the bus to Stratford-on-Avon is sold out..."

- A glance through the Oxford Authors section of the Oxford University bookstore is simultaneously mind-jarring and depressing. Where Oxford can stack its tables with J.R.R. Tolkien, W.H. Auden, C.S. Lewis, T.E. Lawrence (apparently the initials are a sign of Oxford grace), all the way down to Bill Clinton, Georgetown is left with ... Deborah Tannen's greatest hits.

- My one day in London was, amusingly, Canada Day. The North (or do they say "The West"?) came out Eastons-blazin', including rows of Canadian flags strung across the Canada House, ongoing hockey games and Banff placards on Trafalgar Square, and, the kicker, a huge maple-leaf banner atop Westminster Abbey. Either THAT's international friendship ... or the slyest invasion in the history of man. (Look out for Mounties in trees!)

London needn't be romanticized (though "blessed plot," "earthly seat of Mars," and "demi-paradise" might be a slight overstatement), and eight hours of solid pavement-pounding, Tubing, and subsisting on scones and tea (tea!) doesn't diminish it. London, for us New Englanders, will always be poetic... after all, in London, you never need to look far for a mews.